Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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