Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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