it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
