feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
