My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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