I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
