white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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