he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
