My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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