there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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