Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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