oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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