The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
