i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
