Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
