So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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