I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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