I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
