I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found a bag of teeth...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
