Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
