Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
