I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
