If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
