Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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