Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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