Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
