toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
