ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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