I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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