So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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