YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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