I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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