Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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