Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So vagazzling was a success
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
