moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
