As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
