i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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