I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
