I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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