We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
