my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
