Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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