remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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