She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
