i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
