My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize