it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
