You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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