im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
