Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
