you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
