how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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