On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
