Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
