Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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