took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
