I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
