this boner is exhausting
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
