So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
