Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
