So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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