You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
