God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
